We’ve all heard that planning a wedding is hard work: there are lots and lots of decisions that must be made within a set amount of time – but you have to check with your partner and your opinionated mother first. Many people might think that the unpleasant parts of planning a wedding involve making these decisions: picking a venue that is both beautiful and affordable, choosing music that everyone will enjoy, creating the perfect seating plan, knowing which dress to buy, etc.
But for me, these choices were easy, and the difficulties were not what you might think. These are the surprising problems I faced when planning my wedding…
1. I became unsure about my friendships.
During my wedding-planning era, I read an Elite Daily post about why choosing bridesmaids is just as important as finding your partner: “You’d never ask someone you weren’t sure you’d be friends with forever to be your bridesmaid,” wrote the author. While this statement might be assumed knowledge to some, it was kind of scary for me. How was I supposed to know if this person will still be friends with me in the future? I’m not psychic! I’d had friends in the past who I thought would be around forever, and I was wrong. Choosing bridesmaids suddenly became a terrifying task.
Even knowing who to invite to my hen’s weekend, kitchen tea, wedding ceremony and wedding reception was tricky: Do I invite that mutual friend? The girl that everyone in the squad is close to, bar me? The guy I haven’t spoken to in months who used to be a good friend? The family friend that I hardly remember from my childhood?
Would that person be confused as to why I invited them? Would that other person be offended that I didn’t invite them?
Why does a ‘who-to-involve-in-your-wedding-and-who-to-ignore’ manual not exist?!
2. I became unsure about who’s wedding it really was.
Some people believe that a wedding is solely the bride and groom’s. It’s their one chance to be the center of attention, to make the final decisions, and to be a little self-absorbed with things relating to their “big day”. Other people insist that a wedding is actually about family. The main event is the blending of two whole families, not just the union of two single people, and so you ensure that the day is extremely enjoyable for your fam-bam.
For me, finding the balance between the two was a process. For example, I didn’t particularly want to wear a veil down the aisle, but my mom really wanted me to. So what was I to do? Explain to her that this is my wedding, not hers (and in fact, she’s already had her wedding)? Or, honor her worthy-of-respect motherhood by sticking a veil in my hair?
3. I didn’t think that I’d argue with my fiancé, but I did.
I thought my fiancé and I would be so happy and exciting to be getting married that we wouldn’t debate about anything in the lead-up to our wedding. But we did. We argued over seating arrangements, we argued about where we should get our professional bridal party photos taken, and we even argued about how we were handling our arguments with other people! I had to learn that wedding-planning is just as stressful for the groom as it is for the bride, and that’s okay. Normal. Expected. And even, the fact that he worried about the wedding showed that he actually cared about it – which is very cool.
And everything worked out wonderfully in the end!